Deep Tissue Massage

Ever had a fantasy about being a post-Soviet billionaire, with super yachts moored in the Mediterranean, a football club as a plaything and the Presidents and Prime Ministers of developing countries on your speed dial?

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Yeah?  Me too, and on a Monday afternoon last week on the Gold Coast, I got the closest I’ll ever come to feeling like a Russian magnate thanks to Ripples visiting massage.

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True, I did have a good start – I was staying in the Penthouse apartment at the excellent Oceanside Resort at Bilinga while doing the incredible Bethel silent retreat. But other than that the delivery of Russian gold was entirely down to the talented therapist Mardi from Ripple.

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Boy, are Ali Saoirse’s Ripple a great company. They’re expanding rapidly throughout Australia offering a really warm and thoughtful visiting massage service.  From the initial peppermint and lime-scented foot soak to the masterful two-hour massage itself to the little gifts they bestow on their customers, you always feel safe and cared for in the company’s hands. Even a super rich Siberian might dispense with their burly security guards if paid a visit by Ripple.

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As for me, on the third day of a silent retreat (during which my daydreams were becoming increasingly vivid) the Russian deep tissue massage was just about the perfect treatment. After long runs and walks on the beach previously, this 1.86m (6ft 2in in old language) bloke was not just soothed by Mardi’s opening and closing gentle strokes but also invigorated and smoothed by the sports massage techniques used for the interim sixty minutes.  It felt gorgeously indulgent and languidly slow, seeming to last twice the time.

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What’s great about this combination is that the opening really prepares your body for the more vigorous strokes that are to come. You’re just seeping into the table in a bodily sigh when kneading fingers start to find their way deep inside your shoulder blades and into those twisted sinews in your neck and shoulders.  Oh, the burden of all that money, I kept imagining, as Mardi’s healing hands glided over my back, tackling one vertical side at a time.

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Before long her sterling work had even erased my fictional worries and as the sun set behind the southern Gold Coast, I began to drift into a place of warmth and darkness not dissimilar from sleep. This was deep tissue work of the highest calibre, the sort of touch that releases weeks of stress and floods the muscles with such a strong feel-good factor that they’ll be good for weeks to come. As the back work continued it was fast, direct and utterly rejuvenating. Finally, this part of the massage drew to a close with feathery touches that settled everything down again.

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A similar technique on the back of my legs took care of my aching calves and thigh muscles from all that beach running and then it was time to turn over.

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First up now was an organic green clay cleansing face mask, applied after a hot towel had prepared the ground.  Well, we magnates have got to look our best, haven’t we?  Once this was on, it was time for work on arms, chest and some excellent digging under the shoulders again as well as some good head massage and finally some reflexology on my feet.  If I hadn’t had an urgent meeting with Julia Gillard and Queensland PM Anna Bligh to discuss my company’s mining rights, Mardi could have left me in my room to snooze all night!

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Unfortunately, even for the inveterate fantasist, all good things must come to an end.  But there was still time for another lovely Ripple touch, a celebratory card containing a $1 scratchy. Maybe, just maybe, my dreams were going to come true after all.

With Mardi recently departed I rubbed away at my scratchy and….won $2. Well, you’ve got to start somewhere and while I accumulate my billions, there’s always Ripple’s Russian massage with which to indulge my inner Czar.